Saturday, December 31, 2016


I have been thinking and thinking about my year and going through each experience and memory i have, trying to think what i want to change for 2017. As i said in my last post, people tend to make resolutions because a new year gives them a feeling of a new beginning. I must say i always like to reflect on my year to see how i have experienced it and what i can finally let go. As i mentioned once before in my previous posts, 2016 was a real ass kicking year, and no i did not kick any ass, my ass got kicked big time. Starting the year loosing two most important and close things in my life and only being left with grief was a battle that i had to face on my own. Trying to climb out of a deep and black ditch filled with nothing else then sadness is a feeling that i will never forget. The ironic part of grief is that you never really stop, the memory just fades and soon normal day to day life just takes over. It felt like my 2016 was covered with a black veil, a dark atmosphere and a heavy heart. 2016 was a year of self reflection, who am i? and where do i want to go? questions i had not asked myself in a long time, since i was a two piece puzzle for almost three years. Coming out of a break up and not recognizing myself in the mirror, because i wasn't the same person i was when i started and i wasn't the same person while being together. The feeling is almost as if you where found with amnesia with just your passport in your pocket with a name and a birthday, but no identity. What do i like? what makes me laugh? what are my goals, hopes and dreams? those where things i had to re-invent for myself, and i did. I must say reflecting on 2016 does show me that despite all of the rough patches, i have learned my true identity and that is a gift. Being completely content with myself is the greatest gift of all. Knowing that whatever hits me and whatever is sent my way i can handle it. You need to go through bad times, so you can recognize the good ones and most of all appreciate them. I will never become a heartless, cold or closed person no matter what happens, because when you look around, you will see a light that will guide you through whatever you are going through. As long as you believe in it. That being said it reminds me of my all time favorite movie Love Actually, i think i might have seen that movie a 100 times already and it never gets old. This quote always makes my heart warm. And i hope it does the same for you!

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around."

So for 2017, i cheers you for a better year, but also a better me. Going into a "New Year" with "New Resolutions" I need to make the change for myself, knowing what i want different and what i want to achieve. 

Love Jana


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